How to procrastinate by Cathy D.

1. Take one weekend.

2. Fill it up with stuff over which you have no control, like birthday shopping (although not for onesself), basketball games (not one's own), party-dress shopping (again, not for onesself), birthday party (again, not for onesself), and sundry errands (for the public good).

2a. Keep spending time on computer checking email, Facebook, Google Reader, and weather (to make sure no frigid spells are forecast). Make vow to stay off computer.

3. On completion of the above, realize one had actually created a to-do before the weekend

4. Go to kitchen to find purse and dig out to-do list.

5. Remember that "cleaning out purse" was one of the things on the to-do list.

6. The to-do list is written on a very small piece of notepad paper. Realize need for larger paper for additional tasks. 

7. Go to find new legal pads recently purchased on errand. Hunt. For awhile. Find pads in office.

8. Recast to-do list on nice, big legal pad. Admire the organization.

7a. Break computer vow by updating Facebook about how busy I am.

9. Decide to fold laundry first. Go upstairs.

10. Realize I'm a little weak and hungry to work. Go back to kitchen and find chips and dip from Superbowl party last week. Consume.

11. Realize this cannot be crossed off to-do list.

12. Get text from Jayme wanting a copy of picture taken last night at birthday party. Break computer vow by getting camera, taking out SD card, and trying to find picture. Get distrated because laptop SD card slot will not recognize 4gig SD card. Puzzle. Try other SD card in slot.Works fine. Google "SD card not recognized." Find several reasons, perhaps because new SD card is too big. Break down and connect camera to laptop with USB cord. Wait while software driver installs. Copy pictures to laptop and send to Jayme. 

12a. Since I'm on computer anyway, check email, Facebook and news. 

13. Go back and check to-do list since I've lost focus dorking around with SD card.

14. Go fold and put away the laundry. Cross off list!!!!!!

14a. As reward, just check email real quick. Just for a sec. Notice my copy of Twilight lying on end table. Decide to reread meadow scene because I realize Edward could do laundry in 1/10 the time as me. 

15. Give self mental shake. Recheck to-do list. Realize several items on this list are not going to happen today.

16. Realize if I list "check email" and "update Facebook" on my list, I will feel more productive!Also, "reading"!  Go to kitchen to revise list.

17. Get distracted by TV being changed to Sheryl Crow concert (not by onesself). Reminisce about seeing her in concert with John Mayer. Replay concert in head as Sheryl sings "Gonna soak up the sun." Feel guilty I have every song John Mayer ever recorded on my MP3 and not one Sheryl Crow. Force self not to download Sheryl Crow songs right now. Instead put on to-do list.

17a. Notice husband's laptop has a "Thomas the Tank Engine" screensaver. Engage in pointless conversation about WHY, since no children use it? No good reason.

18. Look at RSS feed and realize blog has not been updated lately. Feel guilty for my many six readers. Search brain for possible topics.

19. Come up empty. All I can think about is my to-do list.

20. Damn, I'm good at this procrastination, huh!