About when Christmas comes early to our house, as observed by a two-year-old

[Found a copy of this letter in my sent file, I think Taylor, 2, usurped my Gmail again. Beth is a family friend.]

Dear Miss Beth,

Hello, how are you? It's me Taylor.

Beth, they are at it again here. I went over to my Mama D's last night and chaos was everywhere. Aunt Jayme was cooking dinner! Papa was late getting home! Daddy had to work late too! And even Mama said she "had to go to Walmart" and kept us waiting 'til she got there! Caroline was taking a nap and McKenna woke up and wanted to take all the toys! She is so hard to control!

Well, then they made us eat dinner, which was potatoes! What are we, Irish!? (Oh yea we are.) And they put a bunch of stuff on the potatoes and acted like it was something special. I mean, why put pizza stuff on potatoes? Or that yellow cheese? Or chili? They gave me no chocolate at all!

Then, Daddy and Papa and Tony made all us kids put on our coats AND OUR SHOES and leave! To look at "lights"! Beth, we had perfectly good lights in the house. Why did they drag us out in the cold to look at more?!

Well, we had no more looked at one pathetic house when they announced it was "time to go back"! What was up with THAT! So they turned around and back we went to Hearthstone Drive.

When we got there, something had happened. There was no room to walk. There was stuff all around that Christmas tree thing they are so shot with.

And then people started opening all the stuff! I'm not sure, but somehow Papa knew which thing to give which person, because everyone seemed to get stuff they liked, like the helicopter for Julian and the mirror for my mom. But how did Papa know? I'm figuring that out.

And why did we all get presents? All I could figure out it was some kind of big birthday celebration for everybody all at once, so I just joined in and shouted "It my birthday" and "Happy birthday," over and over, then for a treat for all of them, sang "Happy Birthday to You" several times. It must have worked, cos I really like the AquaDoodle and the Dora book and the play kitchen I got. And Papa got us a red wagon, too.

When I said "happy birthday" once, Daddy said it was Jesus' birthday. I looked around and saw no one named Jesus there, but if he shows up, I am NOT sharing that AquaDoodle with him. He can just get his own.

Well, as if this all wasn't bad enough, Mama announced that now we had to get rid of all the furniture! Beth, what in the world was she thinking? Does it mean if people give you presents, you have to chuck your furniture? What kind of birthday present is THAT?

So, Papa and Daddy and Tony took all the furniture away! I was afraid they were going to start taking the toys away too, so me and McKenna took some of ours and hid under the table.

Well, by the time we left, the room was empty. Mama said somebody was bringing her new furniture tomorrow. Maybe that Jesus is bringing it! Just in case, I made sure my AquaDoodle was in the car. This whole situation has got me cautious about my stuff.

Anyway, Beth, I'll keep you appraised of the goings-on here. Just don't be surprised by anything.

I hope you and your family have a nice Christmas-thingy, whatever that is, and if presents show up under your tree, hide 'em fast. Your furniture might be disappearing, too.

If you need a few choruses of "Happy Birthday," give me a call, I'm available.

Your friend, Taylor