Thursday, October 4, 2007

About Petite Redneck Sophisticate

At your mall in the '80s, did you have a store called, Petite Sophisticate?
I had a problem with these stores. For one, where was the Tall Girl Sophisticate store? Because all I could find were too-short jeans and pants of all kinds, which made me feel distinctly UNsophisticated, although imminently ready for flash flooding.
And secondly, who said petites were sophisticated? The store always looked pretty empty to me (window-shopping only, of course). (And, as the stores seem to have gone out of business, point proven.) Living in the Hoosier state, I knew a bunch of short girls who were also short on the sophisticated. And I realized these shorties actually had a lot in common. And as I pondered the petite non-sophisticates I knew, I realized that there was an opportunity being missed.
And being an imaginative party such as myself, I began thinking of the kind of retail I might create, if I were so inclined as to start a franchise. I would call my emporium:
Petite Redneck Sophisticate.
You know the demographic I'm sellin' to: short, skinny little women in too-tight, low rider jeans, with equally tight, low-cut tops. They've got colored hair, too much eye makeup, six earrings in their ears, and when they're not chewing gum, they're smoking. They're interested in motorcycles, NASCAR, and smoking (not in that order). They'd rather die than exercise--smoking is their workout. When they're not wearing their motorcycle boots, they're in high heels and no socks. They watch Survivor, American Idol, and GAC. They listen to country music with a side of heavy metal. Their Starbucks is the convenience store--they love those hazelnut cappuccinos. They don't take any shit, and if you mess with them, they will beat you up, even before their boyfriend does.
Can you see the marketing opportunities here? Dang, it's got the regular boring Petite Sophisticates beat all to hell. Give the plain Sophisticates a Starbucks and a classic black turtleneck and you're done.
Look at the merchandising in my Petite Redneck Sophisticate store! Anything and everything NASCAR and Harley; a complete line of smoking accoutrements, from ashtrays to combo cell phone/cig pack holders; a shoe department with the highest, sexiest high heels to motorcycle shit-kickers to cowboy boots; a t-shirt section with every country music star possible, emphasis on Tim McGraw and Keith Urban; and a personal products section including hair highlighter and frosted eyeshadow (bright blue).
Too bad I'm not more of an entrepreneur. I'd be makin' money hand over fist.
Well, how 'bout you? What opportunity with short people are you missin'?

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