About a letter to my friend on vacation in Florida

Dear T.,

How are you? I am fine. Well, not that great. It's really cold here. And the wind is really rather brutal. Actually, when I had to stand out in it pumping gas this morning, it was ripping through me, and my bones were shaking. Also my fingers quit working.

Other than that, it's great! Well, except for Monday, when it rained the entire day and I felt damp and frozen. Oh, and Tuesday, when it was windy that day too. Oh, then yesterday, they said the sun would be out, but it wasn't, and it was kind of dark and dank all day.

But other than that, it's great! Oh, except for we had to go to Sue K.'s mother-in-law's viewing last night at the funeral home. She says they're pretty much "over the shock" of her sudden death now--after all, she was 84 or whatever.

But once we got past that, it was a good evening. Well, except then we went to visit the B.'s, and you know M.'s health has been going downhill, and their mom is not getting over that heart attack like she should.

But besides those things, it's been a great week! You've really missed it! That two-hour meeting I had with G. yesterday was fantastic! If only my teeth had not been chattering when we were done, plus I was starving, and I had to go to the bathroom, it might have been the best meeting ever!

When I think of you spending all the money and getting so exhausted running after four kids in the Florida sunshine, my heart cries for you and your wife! The humanity!

Are you needing any help? Because I can be on an Allegiant flight immediately. It's the Christian thing to do, I think.

Anyway, T., get some rest when you get home and break out your wool socks. You'll need them.

Yours in global warming,

Me.

Hey, how 'bout you? Written any snarky letters lately?